


Good to Know

by Charlie Rotanev (Immerghensi)



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Age Play, Age Play Little Son Hyunwoo | Shownu, Little Space, M/M, Non-Sexual Age Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-14 01:20:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18042743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Immerghensi/pseuds/Charlie%20Rotanev
Summary: Secrets come out, but they aren’t the secrets Wonho, Hyungwon, Jooheon, and I.M were expecting.





	Good to Know

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dkhodges](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dkhodges/gifts).



> I love school but heck, I'm getting my butt kicked by job searches and the capstone and everything.  
> I'm not proud of this installment by any means. This is a bridge, a way to get somewhere else. There are themes in here that will be brought up in future installments.

 

“Yeah but I mean what if we move _this_ over here, then we can say that it was for educational purposes….” the marker squeaks as Minhyuk draws yet another arrow, this one spanning across the entire whiteboard that Kihyun wheeled in about two hours ago. They’re writing on top of the remains of old notes, bits of color sticking out at the borders, new words written and erased and written over again.

 

The change doesn’t seem to impress him, a second color coming in to cross out one bubble and recircle another, a new line headed off to one of the many circled words on their timeline. “No way, they won’t buy that. But if we change _this_ section, we can rearrange it so that this happened before _that…_ ”

 

Minhyuk waves his hands out in front of him, “This is so confusing. Why don’t we scrap this and try it all again, from the top.”

 

“Absolutely.” The each grab a tissue and clear the board.

 

Shownu lets out another sigh. The two of them have been at this for hours. Kihyun’s one-track mind and Minhyuk’s ever-expanding imagination have kept them there, in that room, away from everyone else too long for it not to be suspicious. He stopped checking his watch once he realized that all of his evening tasks would have to be done tonight and all of his tasks for tonight would have to be squeezed in between those or shoved to tomorrow.

 

“ _Enough_.” His voice cuts through with its low tone, the one that could stop any member in their tracks. They look at him, waiting for what sort of announcement could follow, “That's enough. We should tell them.”  

 

“What?”

 

“We should tell them. It’s ok. We’ll sit them down and we’ll tell them.”

 

“I mean--- We-- Are you--- Are you sure? You don’t have to. It’s your personal life. If you don’t want to, you shouldn’t feel like you have to because of someone else.”

 

“Yeah, don’t push yourself if you don’t feel comfortable. We can figure something out, right Ki?” Minhyuk throws in. Kihyun nods in confirmation, already drawing up the familiar timeline they've been working with this whole time, ready to get back to work. 

 

 Shownu does know that they could figure something out- they're  _them_.

That’s why he has to do this.

 

“No, it’s ok. We’ll have to tell them at some point. I have a feeling they already know a little bit, so if we let them be, they'll come to their own conclusions and it'll be more difficult on us later. We might as well clear the air.” He stands to his full height, “Apart from this Little…. situation, in the end I’m still the leader. I have a responsibility to all of you to guide you. That means leading by example. What would it say to the others if I were to hide this from them, to hide from myself? It would mean that our habits, even the stranger ones, are things we are not allowed to have. I know personally that this is a struggle, and it’s not something I’d want anyone to go through.I know you two want to help me, and I appreciate that, and at this point, the best thing we can do is be honest and hope for the best. We have to trust in our teammates. The others deserve to know.”

 

Kihyun looks at him, hard. So much trust, so much care, the mentality of leadership was never just an action but an entire lifestyle. They’ve come a long way from being clumsy trainees, too nervous around one another to have anything more than a four-sentence conversation. They’ve done it all, together, with Shownu to show them the way. He’s proud to have Shownu as his leader. Kihyun looks at Minhyuk to find that the other man is already nodding.

 

“Ok… let’s tell them.”

 

**

 

“It’s happening!” Jooheon motions for them to come forward, into the living room for the meeting. The motion is all that it takes. Wonho and Changkyun look at one another, then fumble to unwire themselves from their studio. Getting up, they see Minhyuk and Kihyun flash past the doorway, Shownu in tow. They take up their customary positions, except Kihyun and Minhyuk are on either side of Shownu instead of in their usual positions on either side of Jooheon.

 

Kihyun shakes his hands, expending the nervous energy that’s been building in him. “We’ve called you all here because when we formed, we agreed there would be no secrets between us. The three of us had a long discussion, and we wanted to keep our privacy, but it’s only fair for you to know-”

 

“It’s ok, we know.”

 

“You do?” Shownu visibly pales.

 

Wonho steps in front of the younger three on his side, shielding them as the eldest. “Yeah, and if you guys are all happy together, then we’re happy. I don’t really understand polyamory but love comes in many shapes and forms, and the times are changing, so you shouldn’t feel like you have to hide.”

 

A pin drop.

 

Then, chaos.

 

“Wait wait wait no that’s no--”

 

“We aren’t--”

 

“I mean I love you guys but not like that--”

 

“Are you not--???”

 

“No! We aren’t! That’s not even why we came out here.”

 

“Oh.. so then….?

 

Shownu puts his hand up, effectively drawing attention to himself. It seems to distract them enough to quiet the chatter.

 

“We came out here to discuss a very serious matter. Not like that serious, not like relationship-serious, but still we would like you to all listen to what we have to say all the way through and hold onto your questions until the very end.” Shownu waits until he has their full attention, no side conversation or staring off into space, to begin talking again. He begins the long process of explaining with a heavy sigh.

 

“Where do I start? As you all know, the idol life can be very stressful. We have a lot of pressure to keep up appearances and also keep up performing. I love being an idol, I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world, but sometimes it gets overwhelming. So, to cope with that, I regress into Littlespace.

 

“Littlespace, or age regression as some people and online forums like to say, is a way for me to relieve stress. I behave and think like a child, which allows me to temporarily forget about my responsibilities. Some of the activities I enjoy are watching cartoons and drawing. I also like soft blankets and being cuddled. Anything that makes me feel safe and secure. Being in my headspace gives me a safe space to let go. ”

 

He’s shaking by the end of his speech, chest heaving though it still feels like he’s out of breath. There’s so much more that they have to cover, but he’s done enough, Minhyuk thinks, resting his hand on Shownu’s shoulder before picking up the conversation.

 

“Kihyun is the primary caretaker. That means that 90% of the time, Shownu will go to him when he feels Little. The other 10%, he’ll come to me because I’m the backup caretaker. Being a caretaker means making sure Shownu is comfortable, happy, and safe. We do our best to make sure that he’s stress-free when he’s in Littlespace because that’s what the headspace is for. Taking care of a Little can be a handful, so a lot of the time, we do it together. That’s why you’ve seen us leaving and being alone together.”

 

The room is silent. No one is brave enough to ruin it by breathing. The members are stuck in various states of shock, ranging from Wonho’s open-mouthed gawk to Changkyun’s bug eyes. Suddenly his skin feels too warm. He swallows, as though that would push down the sickening feeling threatening to make him retreat into himself and never come out again, and asks, 

 

“Any questions?”

 

******

 

The words ‘Little’ and ‘Caretaker’ and ‘headspace’ play on the lips of the four members, each of them putting together the words and figuring out a way to attach their meanings to their leader, who was strong and brave and steadfast but was also stressed and in need of some help. And it’s not like they weren’t all like that, they were. Life was stressful even before they became idols, but it reached a new high whenever they started performing. And the revelation… isn’t exactly what they were expecting.

 

Hyungwon is confused. Like actually confused. Like genuinely, stupidly, ‘I’m sorry could you repeat that again’ confused.

 

“You’re a _what_?”

 

“A Little.” he says, voice wavering with uncertainty, “It’s a term people use for when someone enjoys age regression. In my case, I use it to let go and relax”

 

“Why didn’t you tell us earlier?”  Jooheon inserts before Hyungwon can get another word in.

 

Kihyun’s eyes narrow. He tries to keep his voice even, but he can tell the tone bites. “I know we said that we wouldn’t have any secrets, but he also doesn’t owe you that kind of information.”

 

He recoils, hands up in surrender; an apology. “I’m sorry, I was just curious.”

 

Minhyuk is quick to put his hand out, quick to stop Kihyun before things unravel. “What he means to say is that it’s a sensitive topic. It’s not something you can come out and say right away. There are a ton of ways a conversation like that could go, and that can be daunting.”

 

“There aren’t a ton of ways I can think of… I mean, you’re still you, but now there’s another side of you. There are lots of sides to all of us…. And I’m sorry that the reason you have to become Little is because of us.”

 

“It’s not because of you all, Heonie. I was a Little before I met any of you. Please don’t blame yourself.” he continues, “And I’m glad that you know that I haven’t changed. But no one can ever be sure. Littlespace isn’t a widely-known topic. People associate it with pedophilia when really it couldn’t be any more different.”

 

“How often do you drop? I had no idea any of this was going on. Was I blind or was there not much to catch onto?”

 

“You didn’t realize it because you didn’t have a reason to be looking for it. You couldn’t have known. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

 

The sound of Wonho asking a question pulls their attention away from him. Jooheon doesn't look up. If he did, he would be looking at least one person in the eye and he doesn't think he could handle that. He gets it. He really does. He just wishes he could’ve done more.

 

**

 

The others mull over their questions, wondering what’s too much to ask and weighing it against what they want to know. Wonho mainly ping-pongs back and forth with the three of them, asking what things Little Shownu liked, and if he was willing to try new things, and what things did he already have. It helps buy time for Hyungwon to muster up the courage to raise his hand halfway, put it down, then raise it fully. Kihyun motions for him to speak.

 

“Is... are you guys… is Littlespace sexual in any way?”

 

The shiver running down Shownu’s spine forces him to sit up a little straighter, rolling out his muscles to get rid of the discomfort. He was expecting to have to answer this, but it still twisted his insides to do so. “Some people’s Little-caregiver relationships are. For me, there’s nothing sexual about it. I just use it as a destresser.”

 

“So any romantic feelings are separate from it?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“And you don’t have any romantic feelings towards either of your caregivers.”

 

“No, I don’t.”

 

“Huh…” Hyungwon’s head bobs lazily as the information sinks in.

Not in a relationship.

Nothing sexual about it in the slightest.

…

So he was completely wrong.

He feels like an idiot for confronting Kihyun, for eavesdroppping, for every time he bent over backwards just to try to see something that wasn’t there. It’s a headspace.

 

It’s just a headspace.

 

As if to encourage him, Minhyuk smiles and says, “That’s a good question, Wonnie. Since sex is an element in some relationships, it needs to be acknowledged. It’s good to get them out so everyone is on the same page.”

 

The confidence seems to die down as he gives a half-hearted ‘oh ok good to know, thanks’, unable to bring himself to look the Little or either Caregiver in the eyes.

 

**

 

“I… I have a questions?”

 

“Sure, Changkyun, go ahead.”

 

“What does it feel like to drop?”

 

“It’s a good feeling, like when you get into bed. Content. And maybe a little sleepy? I know that isn’t the right term, but everything moves slower. It’s difficult to speak, which is why you’ll only hear me use one or two words at a time.

 

Changkyun raises his hand again to ask a followup. “Do… do you remember it? When you drop?”

 

“Bits and pieces, here and there. Enough to remember that I’ve dropped. It’s like waking up from a dream. Sometimes I remember all of it. Sometimes I don’t.” Shownu is keeping calm, Kihyun will have to praise him for being so good about the entire situation. He can tell that it’s a relief to not have to hide anymore, but it’s also a huge strain.

 

When it seems like there others have run out of questions, Minhyuk steps in to formally close the conversation.

 

“I know this is a lot to take in all at once. We aren’t asking you to help, we--”

 

“I’ll help!” Minhyuk's shoulders fly up to his ears, startled. There's a hand waving around, attached to it is a smitten-looking Wonho bouncing excitedly from his couch spot. His face flushes patchy pink, embarrassed by his own outburst, his other hand pulling down the raised one as though it were not part of his body. “I’d like to be a caretaker, if that’s possible.”

 

“Oh! Um… thank you, we really appreciate it. We have a few rules, nothing crazy. Since this is a new topic, we didn't want to talk about it all right now. Let you guys get your heads around the situation, y'know? The rules are just so there are limits and so that Shownu can feel safe when he’s Little. In the beginning you’ll probably be with one of us, but later on once you get a feel for it, you can do it on your own.”

 

Beside him, Hyungwon rubs his arm and murmurs, “I… I’m not the best at these kinds of things, but if you need me, of course I’ll be there.”

 

Jooheon and Changkyun nod too, throwing in their own soft ‘yeah I can be there if you need me’s and ‘it’s not an issues, I wouldn’t mind helping’ in support.

 

Shownu looks between them, around at his team. The look of determination wears tightly on Kihyun’s sharp features, the same determination pulling Minhyuk into a placid stare. In front of him, four pairs of eyes look on with not so much confusion, but acceptance. They may not know exactly what is going on, but they know enough to trust in the three of them; to trust in him. The right words don’t come out, or maybe they do, or maybe there aren’t words to express the kind of relief and gratefulness he feels.

 

“Thank you. All of you. Thank you, so much.”

 

**

 

When they part in the hallway, Minhyuk wishes them goodnight, he has to check in with the Sunshines for some advice, he won’t be back for a while, get some sleep you two. The click of the door feels final, the wave of exhaustion from his anxiety finally crashing down as he allows himself to breathe. They did it. They made it. And honestly? He feels better for it.

 

“Hey.” Kihyun breaks his concentration with a gentle hand on his arm. They’re so close, and looking at him, Shownu can see a quiet, vulnerable side to the man. It’s one that doesn’t show its face often, hidden in the most secure chambers buried deep inside of his being. “You did really well today. I can’t imagine it was easy- that was a huge part of yourself you put out there. And… thank you for trusting us. You believed in us before I believed in us. I’m grateful that we have you as a leader.”

 

Shownu’s lips part in a dizzying awe, body pulling away from his mind. If he were honest with himself, he’d say that it sounds like a confession, that Kihyun is bearing his soul for Shownu to hold and cherish. He would say that Kihyun sees something in him that is braver than Shownu himself can see, and that he wants to protect and explore it with him.

 

If he were honest, he would admit that the words make him feel the same sort of joy that he feels when he’s in Littlespace, when all he’s capable of feeling is love and warmth.

 

But he won’t, at least for now- it’s dangerous to admit things like that, even if it’s just to himself, even if it’s just a whisper.

 

He’ll let himself pretend a little longer.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to DK, Mrtve, Butterfly, Forever, and Sagi as always.  
> Sending support Doc's and Ronny's way because school and life in general can get hectic and a little love can go a long way. 
> 
> Fixing everything as I figure it out! Please be patient with me on this one!!!


End file.
